Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
