if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
