Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
