saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
