You're my little dorito
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
