Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
