Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
