So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
