I'm lost and stupid without you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
