No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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