I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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