I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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