So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
