He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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