I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
