i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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