I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
