would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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