this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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