watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
