So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
