Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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