Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
