Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
