new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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