Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
