I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
