At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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