I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ketchup is God's man juice
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize