There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
