I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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