Old men and throwing up are my life now.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A+ Viking dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
