Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
