The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
