You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
