...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Vodka?
Forever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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