There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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