Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
