You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
