I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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