so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
