The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
