Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize