Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh god it's open bar.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
