I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I checked into jail on foursquare
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
