just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
