Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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