So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Buhtt sex?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
