i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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