Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
