Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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