Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
