i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
