she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize