She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
