Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
my liver is dry heaving
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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