So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
