I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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