omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
