i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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