accomplished twins. life is a go
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
