when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
