I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
