I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
