You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
