She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He did a backflip because drugs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
