All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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